starry desert - don't let them
| 2 MAY 23 |
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| Wow, it's been so long since I've written a blog post. I think for a while there, I felt like I had so much space to be myself and live my life in a way that was already making me so happy, I didn't need to take extra time out to reflect on who I was and what I was doing. I was just so busy actually doing it. Which, kind of makes blogging sound like a sad activity, but from what I've learned from over the years, life is like the ocean. Its waves have their own tracks of motion and sometimes you're just trying to tread through it. Anyway, what's on my mind these days?? For starters, I have a storyline for a children's book I'd like to make! It's going to be this super cute and magical story of a deer that accidentally travels through space! If I'm not too concerned with how much detail goes into the pages, then I have 4 pages done already, however, I am not so sure I'm entirely satisied with just HOW simple they are. Like, I know it's a kids book and there is the liberty to make it look like a child might have drawn it, but I'm so curious what would happen if I gave each page lots of time and devotion. Next, I want to make an all pink garden. I saw these flowers the other day and they were in full bloom with an explosion of the brightest pink/purple flowers you had ever seen. It got me thinking, what if I made my half of the backyard overwhelmed with pink flowers?? Pink arches, vines, trees, etc! And if I can somehow seal an area to keep hawks away, I can just relax outside with my guinea pigs. I keep imagining a persian rug out there... it's good to reach for the stars just to land with the moon, or however that saying goes. I've got nothing else to write, other than mental curiosity and possibly anguish?? but if this vague statement is me on a bad day, then I think we're gonna all be alright. |
| 14 NOV 22 |
| I always start with this, but it's interesting... how we behave when we feel we're been seen or not. Without an audience, there is zero chance of any kind of judgement or influence or confusion in message. The self is a vast ocean, deep with meaning and room for exploration. However, with interaction comes new possibilities. Perhaps ideas that couldn't have even been fathomed alone. Anyway, let's put this aside and continue with the open and honest journey that should always be put forth. Where am I right now? What am I doing?
Thanksgiving is coming up soon, and this year, Kevin and I want to get a Christmas tree! He wants to make it bug themed and I want Nutcracker, so I think we're going to do both. Work has been just a tad stressful... Not being a barista, but being a server has been straining on me, in a strangely emotional way. I did also have my period this past week so that could be amplifying it all, but I also had a nightmare that solidified my thoughts that maybe I'm not cut out for the restaurant industry. Either way, it's good to have plans for the future. My plan at the moment is to create a gaming portfolio, or maybe a design portfolio. Something that showcases some use of coding in a creative way. I'm obviously also deeply invested in art and painting, but I am not so sure I should blur that in with this portfolio which is intenteded for a career. Where am I with this math game? I'll get into that in a minute, but I do also want to quickly jot down some other ideas I had last night. For paintings and for video games. I think it'd be fun to make a video game where you have to find the object in a giant collage of many objects. Like iSpy, but on a screen! I also want to take another jab at a room escape game, but this one I want to have a very tumblr egirl aesthetic. Like, I want long narrow hallways with neon lights, doors that open to an epic ocean, with captions that cite angst-filled feelings. So, that's three ideas right there. Let's get back to this math game since that's the one I've made the most progress on. I want to dance between working on this game, and starting the portfolio where it will be showcased. Maybe my art can be on the portfolio and I can get combine my portfolio to showcase traditional oil painting illustrations? Is there an unknown market for that?? Enough blabbing, it's time for me to get to work! |
| 7 oct 2022 |
| hamsters are such sweet and gentle creatures. i am so much larger than my syrian hamster, ham ham, yet he lets me hold him and pet his back. there is so much trust involved in that or even an intuitive understanding of another's nature. i can feel his energy when i hold him and he takes time to ground himself. i can feel the moment where he plants his (sacral? naval?) chi into my hand as if it is his new home for the present moment. thats whats so beautiful about nature (when it is calm). it can find warmth in any scenario granted it takes its time. im writing this at 4:44 am, angel number no coincidences in this life, and I can't help but feel these are words I need to be reminded of in my waking life. I just had a dream which is what woke me up at this hour where my mother was holding a baby and I was continuously nitpicking and scrutinize them. i was bothered by things that shouldnt be bothersome. even after i awoke from the dream, my imaginatory mind rethought of the situation and became even more aggressive! sometimes people fall into negative patterns. I wrote myself a note after I woke up. i kept telling myself, please let me embody gentleness. please give me clarity to see my wrongdoings. please exuberate serenity which extends to all that is alive around me.
patience isn't always easy, but so long as you can find true clarity, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. sending light and love. peace! |
| 6 oct 2022 |
| how is it that today's blog post is marked the 6th, yet the posts i made like last week are dated the 10th? looool. fail.
soooo, i'm sitting here watching rhett & link on youtube. they're doing a taste test of grilled cheese sandwiches from shake shack vs in and out. what in the world is shake shack? I don't think i've ever had it... but apparently a decent amount of people think it's better than in and out?? that's wild. i have some frozen tater tots in the freezer.... contemplating eating them, but it would be a decision made out of indulgence and gluttony rather than hunger, and i've been walking that path a fair amount lately.... food as entertainment is.... quite bad on so many accounts. i think if you're "looking forward to lunch" then you really need to rethink what drives you. but i can't judge you because i'm quite lost at the moment to 'what drives me'. i've been juggling an idea about the planets and etsy... but both those things are such vague terms and i promise you by next week i'll have forgotten i've thought this. but i think for the first time ever, i'm finally at a point where it would be nice to have my own business. you know how everyone thinks about that always? i've never seriously considered it. i've always been more interested in exploring art and just generally finding out my own passions, but i think i'm ready to be a bit more entrepreneurial with my endeavers! wouldn't it be so cool if i could make paintings like the old masters? like paint landscapes that give off moody old fashioned feelings? how do i go about this...... i wonder if the people in the past painted from photographs or mostly plein air? i should google that... brb! |
| 10 oct 2022 |
hi you guys!! so i'm just here to wish you a happy halloweeeeen! I know we still have like a few weeks to go, but I wanted to make a korean doll and it came together so well with a halloween theme, soo happy early halloween! :D
I'm thinking of being either an owl or a hummingbird this year. What are you thinking of being?
Let me know in my guestbook! |
| 10 oct 2022 |
The first blogpost is always the hardest, so let's go ahead and get this done with. I'm currently sitting in a really cool new coffee shop called Game 'n Grounds in Chatsworth, CA. My snebbies is sitting across from me working on some high-level math homework. I'm really excited to make this my new blog!! I think that's all for now. Toodle-oos! ^_~ |